your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
