i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just google imaged poop.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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