i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
a search helicopter?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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