So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
