I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
