i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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