I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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