Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
