pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
