I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
