His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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