She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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