Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
