i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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