She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
