i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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