listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
