I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
