Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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