I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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