I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
