i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just gargled with NyQuil
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
