So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
