I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
