goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
