Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
