I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
