THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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