ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
