That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
