So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
