He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
