My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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