After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
