My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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