Whod you bang
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
