I'm so fucking centered right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
