OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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