Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
