so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
