I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
