you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
