I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
