Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Still dying that you shit outside
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
