Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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