We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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