I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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