dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
