Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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