just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
