my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
