your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
