just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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